\"Islam and Marital Life\"

The Status of Women in Different Societies\r\nWhen discussing marital life, it is important to remember the background of how women were treated in different civilizations and societies before Islam. If we study world history, it is as clear as daylight that before Islam, women in various countries were completely deprived of their basic rights.

"Islam and Marital Life" الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ وَكَفَى وَ سَلَمٌ عَلَى عِبَادِهِ الَّذِينَ اصْطَفَى أَمَّا بَعْدُ! فَأَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَنِ الرَّحِيمِ بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ . وَ مِنْ ابْنِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَ جَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَّ رَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ سُبْحَنَ رَبِّكَ رَبِّ الْعِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُونَ، وَسَلَامٌ عَلَى الْمُرْسَلِينَ وَ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَلَمِيْنِ . اللهمَّ صَلَّ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَ عَلَى آلِ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ و بَارِک وَ سَلِّمُ اللهمَّ صَلَّ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَ عَلَى آلِ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ و بَارِک وَ سَلَّم اللهم صَلِّ عَلى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ و عَلَى آلِ سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَ بَارِک وَ سَلَّم – The Status of Women in Different Societies When discussing marital life, it is important to remember the background of how women were treated in different civilizations and societies before Islam. If we study world history, it is as clear as daylight that before Islam, women in various countries were completely deprived of their basic rights. France: In France, women were considered "half-human" and were blamed as the source of all problems in society. China: In China, it was believed that women possessed an evil spirit, and therefore, they were thought to tempt humans toward evil. Japan: In Japan, women were considered to be born "impure," which is why they were kept away from places of worship. Hinduism: In Hinduism, a woman whose husband died was not considered fit to live in society. It was necessary for her to burn herself alive with her husband’s body (the practice of Sati); if she did not, she was not respected by society. Christianity: In the Christian world, women were seen as an obstacle to knowing God. Women were taught to live their lives as nuns, while men considered it an honor to live as monks. Arabia: In the Arabian Peninsula, the birth of a daughter was considered a matter of shame. Consequently, parents would bury their own daughters alive with their own hands. Women’s rights were so badly ignored that if a man died, his wife was treated like inherited property and would sometimes be forced into marriage with his children. Makkah: If a woman's husband died, she was kept in a small, dark room outside Makkah for two years. She was not even provided with enough water for cleaning or other basic needs. If she survived these two years, her face would be blackened, and she would be paraded through Makkah before being allowed to live in a house. One should think: the husband died by his own fate, so how was it the wife’s fault? However, this oppressed woman was so helpless that she could not raise her voice for her own rights. In an environment where women's rights were being violated everywhere, Allah sent His beloved Prophet (PBUH) with the blessing of Islam. He came into the world and elevated the status of women. He told the people, "O people! If she is a daughter, she is your honor; if she is a sister, she is your modesty; if she is a wife, she is your life partner; and if she is a mother, paradise lies under her feet". The Status of Women in Islam: Honorable listeners! How hard-hearted must those people have been who used to bury their daughters alive. The screams of those innocent girls being buried must have reached their ears, yet their conscience did not shake them. In such circumstances, the Holy Prophet (PBUH) gestured with his two fingers and said, "A person who has two daughters, raises them well, and then marries them off, will be with me in Paradise just as these two fingers are together The Importance of Marital Life The Holy Prophet (PBUH) restored the lost dignity of women and declared that "there is no monasticism (living as a monk/nun) in Islam". Instead, he made it clear in plain words that if you lead a married life with a woman, she will become your supporter and helper on the path to knowing Allah. Islam clarified that there is no need to go to jungles and caves to live as a monk. The path leading to Allah does not go through jungles and caves; rather, it passes through these very streets and markets. This means that when you live in this society and fulfill the rights and duties assigned to you, you will attain the recognition of Allah. Thus, Islam taught the lesson of social life instead of monasticism. The Holy Prophet ﷺ said: "Marriage is my Sunnah (practice)." He further stated: "Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me." What more could be said to emphasize the importance of marriage than this? Traditions of the Prophets According to a narration in Tirmidhi Sharif, four things are the traditions of the Prophets (the Messengers): Modesty (Haya): All Prophets possessed great modesty. Perfume (Atar): All Prophets used fragrance. Miswak (Siwak): All Prophets used the miswak (tooth-stick). Marriage (Nikah): All Prophets lived a married life. In the Holy Quran, Allah says: "And We have already sent messengers before you and assigned to them wives and descendants." It is as clear as day that all Prophets were sent for the sacred duty of inviting people to religion. They connected people with Allah, and yet their wives and children never became an obstacle in their path. This establishes that running away from married life is actually running away from fulfilling social rights. Marriage is Half of Faith The Hadith states: "Marriage is half of faith." No matter how pious an unmarried person becomes, they cannot reach the full level of faith until they enter married life and fulfill its rights and duties. This is why a young man who is not married is called "Miskeen" (needy/poor) in Hadith, and a young woman who is not married is called "Miskeena." These people are considered deserving of pity because they are deprived of leading a married life during this stage of their lives. Five Recommendations Hazrat Ali (R.A) used to say that my beloved, the Seal of the Prophets (PBUH), advised me to be quick in five matters: Perform prayer (Salah) before its time expires: Make sure to pray before the time for it passes away. Repent (Tawbah) before death: Be quick in seeking forgiveness from Allah before death arrives. Bury the deceased quickly: When a person passes away, do not delay their funeral and burial. Pay off debts: If you owe a debt to someone, be quick in paying it back. Arrange marriage quickly: When a suitable match is found for a daughter or a son, be quick in performing their marriage (Nikah). The Fortunate Person It is an established fact that anyone who finds a good life partner is truly a fortunate person. Hazrat Ali (Karam Allah Wajhu) used to say that if a person receives five things, they should consider themselves the most fortunate person in the world. Those five things are as follows: 1. A Thankful Tongue: This is a great blessing from Allah. Today, many people continue to enjoy Allah's blessings until their teeth fall out, yet their tongues never tire of complaining instead of being grateful. There is a famous saying: "Sing the praises of the one whose food you eat." We should always be thankful to Allah. 2. A Heart that Remembers Allah: A heart that constantly remembers Allah is a supreme blessing. 3. A Hardworking/Resilient Body: A body that can endure hard work is vital. As the famous saying goes: "A healthy mind resides in a healthy body." 4. Livelihood in One's Homeland: Earning a living in one's own country is a great blessing. There is a saying that even half a meal at home is better than a full feast in a foreign land. 5. A Pious Wife: If one's life partner is compatible and righteous, the joy of life doubles. A person who is blessed with these five things should consider that Allah has granted them all the blessings of the world. The Importance of Marriage (Nikah) It is a hundred percent certain fact that wherever there is no marriage, there will be adultery (zina). This is why Sharia (Islamic law) has emphasized the importance of marriage. Today, in societies where people avoid marriage, you will see that centers of vulgarity are opened for sexual gratification. Islamic law dislikes that a person should live a life full of sins. Therefore, it is said that you should marry so that it becomes easy for you to keep yourself pure and chaste. If marriage had not been commanded, men would have considered women merely a toy. A woman would have had no status, and there would be no one to take responsibility for her. Sharia has stated that if you want to live together, you must also bear the burden of her responsibilities. The Importance of Haq Mahr (Dower) Marriage (Nikah) is a contract agreed upon between a husband and a wife. If a woman wishes to set certain conditions in this contract, Sharia provides her the room to do so. For example, she can demand a good house or a specific monthly allowance. She can even state that she will only marry if the right to divorce is given to her. Sharia allows her to have her conditions accepted before the Nikah. However, once the Nikah is done and if the right of divorce remains with the man or he gives expenses according to his own will, then there is no use in complaining later. Islamic law calls Nikah a "contract," yet many of us do not realize its importance. Nowadays, the bride's family often suffers due to their own simplicity. When the time comes to fix the Mahr, someone might suggest five hundred rupees, and another might say fifty is enough. O servants of Allah! Fifty is not enough because this is a matter of a girl's entire life. Do not consider it a fault; if you believe it is better to settle certain matters before the Nikah, Sharia permits you to do so. The groom’s side often wishes that the bride's side doesn't demand any Mahr at all. Why? Because it is a responsibility. Listen carefully, there are three Sunnahs (traditions) regarding Haq Mahr. A person should follow any one of these according to their financial status: 1. Mahr-e-Fatimi: This refers to the Mahr of Sayyida Fatima az-Zahra (RA), or the Mahr that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) gave to Sayyida Aisha (RA). Fixing this amount is a Sunnah. 2. Mahr-e-Mithl: This means fixing a Mahr equal to what is commonly given to other girls in the bride's immediate family. This is also a Sunnah. 3. Wisdom and Character: Fixing the Mahr based on the girl's wisdom, piety, and nobility is also a Sunnah. Sharia has provided these three options; choosing any of them will earn the reward of following the Sunnah. At the time of Nikah, it is decided whether the Mahr will be Mu'ajjal or Mu'ajjal: • Mahr Mu'ajjal (Prompt): The word Ajlat means "quickly." Therefore, Mu'ajjal means it must be paid quickly, even before the couple starts living together. If the husband does not pay it, he will be a sinner. • Mahr Mu'ajjal (Deferred): This means "on demand." The wife can take it from the husband whenever she asks for it. It does not behave a husband to pressure his wife to forgive the Mahr. However, according to the Quran, if a wife returns the Mahr amount or a part of it out of her own free will, that money is blessed. The Quran says: "But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then eat it with enjoyment and wholesome result." Hazrat Ali (RA) used to buy honey with such money, mix it with water, and give it to sick people to drink. The Publicity of Marriage (Nikah) Sharia has commanded to make the marriage public (publicity). The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Publicize the marriage among yourselves." The Sunnah (prophetic tradition) is that it should be on a Friday, or the Nikah should be performed in a Friday congregation or any other large gathering. Friends and relatives should be invited so that everyone becomes aware that from today onwards, this boy and girl are laying the foundation of their new home. Greater Reward for Married People When a person gets married, Allah increases the reward for their worship. SubhanAllah! Accordingly, scholars have written that when a person performs Nikah and leads a married life, Allah grants them the reward of twenty-one prayers for performing just one prayer. Why is this so? It is because this person was already fulfilling the "Rights of Allah" (Huquq-ullah) before, but now that they are fulfilling the "Rights of Allah" while also carrying out the "Rights of People" (Huquq-ul-Ibad), Allah increases the reward for their worship. In other words, the reward for worship is multiplied after marriage. SubhanAllah! When a marriage is arranged, the boy’s family looks for certain qualities in the girl, and the girl’s family looks for certain qualities in the boy. Let’s take a look at these. Who is a Good Wife? It is mentioned in a Hadith narrated by Imam Bukhari from Abu Hurairah (RA) that a woman is married for four reasons: 1. Her Wealth (Limaliha): People often send a marriage proposal to a wealthy family, thinking they might get help with business or receive a house and a car in the dowry. 2. Her Lineage/Status (Lihasabiha): People marry due to a high or noble family background. 3. Her Beauty (Lijamaliha): People marry for physical attractiveness. 4. Her Religion/Piety (Lidiniha): Marriage is also done based on her righteousness and religious nature. The Prophet (PBUH) advised: "Success is in choosing the one with piety (religion); may your hands be rubbed with dust (otherwise)." If the foundation itself is weak, how can life be successful? Those who only look for beauty should realize that physical beauty is temporary; it only lasts for a few years as youth does not remain forever. A house built on a weak foundation will always be fragile. As the saying goes: "A nest built on a delicate branch will be unstable." Piety and nobility are qualities that grow stronger with time. Therefore, a home built on this foundation will become stronger and stronger. You should look for wives based on piety and religion because when a husband looks at a beautiful wife, his eyes are pleased, but when a husband looks at a virtuous wife, his heart is pleased. So, prioritize pleasing your heart over pleasing your eyes. The Best Asset of the World There is a Hadith in Sahih Muslim: "The world is a resource, and the best resource of this world is a righteous wife." In other words, if Allah grants someone a pious wife, they should realize they have received one of the greatest blessings in the world. The Importance of Intention (Niyyah) "Actions depend on intentions." When the intention behind marriage is only money, you will see conflicts arise. If the intention is only physical beauty or just family status, quarrels will follow. Sharia teaches that the purpose of marriage should be to lead a life of purity and chastity. When this is the goal, homes become peaceful and prosperous. Qualities of a Pious Wife In a narration from Ibn Majah, it is stated: "After the fear of Allah (Taqwa), a believer benefits from nothing more than a righteous wife." The qualities mentioned are: 1. Obedience: If the husband asks her to do something (rightful), she obeys him. 2. Pleasing to the Eye: When he looks at her, she makes him feel happy and peaceful. 3. Fulfilling Oaths: If he takes an oath (trusting her to do something), she fulfills it for him. 4. Loyalty in Absence: If he is away from home, she remains faithful and protects her own honor and his wealth. These are the qualities of a righteous wife described in the Hadith. The Best Woman in the World Once, in a gathering of the Holy Prophet (PBUH), a discussion arose about who the best woman in the world is. Different people mentioned different qualities. Meanwhile, Hazrat Ali (RA) went home for some work and told Sayyida Fatima (RA) that this topic was being discussed. Sayyida Fatima (RA) said, "Shall I tell you who the best woman in the world is?" He replied, "Yes, please do." She said, "The best woman in the world is the one who neither looks at a non-mahram (stranger) man, nor is she seen by any non-mahram man." Hazrat Ali (RA) returned to the gathering and shared this with the Holy Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) remarked: "Fatima is a part of my heart (my flesh and blood)." Qualities of a Good Wife Men of God (scholars) have written that a wife should possess four essential qualities: 1. Modesty (Haya) on her face: This is fundamental. If there is modesty on her face, her heart will also be full of modesty. As the saying goes, "The face is the index of the mind." Hazrat Abu Bakr (RA) said that while modesty is good in men, it is excellent in women. 2. Sweetness in Speech: She should speak kindly. It shouldn't be that she is always complaining to her husband or scolding the children constantly. 3. Goodness in Heart: She should have a righteous and kind heart. 4. Industriousness (Active Hands): Her hands should be busy with household responsibilities and work. A woman who possesses these qualities can certainly live her life as an excellent wife. Qualities of a Good Husband Keep in mind that if a person is looking for a match for their daughter, two examples from the blessed life of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) are sufficient. What kind of sons-in-law did the Prophet (PBUH) choose for his daughters? 1. Hazrat Ali (R.A): He was a close relative and had no equal in courage and bravery. Allah had gifted him a lion's heart and a hardworking body. He was a responsible man and, above all, Allah had granted him such vast knowledge that he was like a boundless ocean of learning. This shows that there can be no better example when looking for a match for a daughter. 2. Hazrat Uthman Ghani (R.A): He had a good business and held a position of great respect in society. Even before Islam, he was considered an honorable person. He was soft-natured and so modest (possessing Haya) that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said that even the angels of Allah feel modesty in the presence of Uthman Ghani (R.A). The Holy Prophet (PBUH) has set these examples before us, and we cannot find better examples anywhere else in the world. One of the greatest qualities of a husband is tolerance and patience because he is the head of the household. If the head of any institution loses his temper over every little thing, that institution will surely fail. Therefore, it is stated in the Quran that Allah has given men a degree of authority over women, making them the heads of the home. The man is like a king, and the woman is like a queen. Thus, it is extremely important for a man to possess patience and endurance. The Importance of Tolerance in Husbands You may have noticed that when there is a lack of patience and tolerance, small issues lead to arguments. Minor things like, "Why is there less salt in the food?", "Why is this bread cold? It should have been hot," or "Why was this work done this way?" Even if the poor wife is exhausted from household chores, some men never have a word of praise for her, but they are quick to criticize. Men who lack patience often find their marital life coming to a standstill. Sometimes, a minor disagreement leads a husband to immediately fire the "bullets" of divorce (Talaq, Talaq, Talaq). Last year, while I was in Sweden, a family got divorced simply because the husband used to brush his teeth in the kitchen sink. The wife asked him to use the bathroom sink, but he refused. This small issue led to a divorce, leaving everyone shocked and laughing at their lack of wisdom. Life cannot be successful without tolerance and endurance. When people live together, disagreements can happen. Children might disobey, or a mother might get upset. Only someone with a calm and patient nature can resolve these issues. Responsibility and Hard Work The second great quality of a man is that he should not be lazy or avoid household responsibilities. What better example can we have than the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), who was the Prophet of his time yet performed household chores? Similarly, when Prophet Musa’s (A.S) wife went into labor during a journey, he told her, "Wait here, I will go and find some fire." He searched for fire just to provide comfort to his wife. This shows that serving one's family is a great act of worship. A man should never run away from household work. Just as small stones combine to form a mountain, small unresolved issues turn into mountains of conflict, creating a wall between two hearts and destroying the home. Sometimes, even 35 years of marriage end in divorce because of this. If men want their wives to be caring and serving, they must also fulfill their wives' needs. This equation can only stay balanced if the man fulfills his responsibilities and the woman fulfills hers. Sharia has set a perfect balance between the two. The Goal of Marital Life It is the husband's responsibility to fulfill the wife's rights, and the wife's responsibility to fulfill the husband's rights. In this way, both will be able to lead a peaceful life, which is the true purpose of marriage. Allah says in the Quran: "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." (Surah Ar-Rum) It is proven from the Holy Quran that the real objective of marital life is to live with love and affection and to spend a peaceful life. Think about it—if we ourselves destroy this peace, how can our marriage be successful? A good and successful life is one where both the husband and the wife find tranquility. If either one is deprived of peace, it means the life is not successful. Unfortunately, nowadays the situation is such that hardly a husband passes a day without complaining about his wife, and hardly a wife passes a day without criticizing her husband. All of this is the result of our lack of knowledge and lack of practice. We have forgotten the real purposes of marriage. We start fighting over small things and turn minor issues into matters of ego and pride. This is wrong; we need to come to our senses. The Beautiful Concept of Marital Life The concept of the relationship between husband and wife presented by the Holy Quran is unmatched by any other society. The Quran states: "They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." There are two main wisdoms behind using the metaphor of "garment" (clothing): 1. Beauty and Protection: Clothing provides beauty to a person and hides their flaws. 2. Closeness: Nothing is closer to a human body than its clothing. By calling them each other's "garment," the Quran shows that a husband and wife are as close to each other as their own clothes. No one can present a better concept of closeness than this. There is a narration that Allah created Eve (Hawwa) from the rib of Adam (A.S). Why? She was not created from the head so that she wouldn't dominate him, nor from the feet so that she wouldn't be treated like footwear. She was created from the rib so that she would be considered a life partner and kept close to the heart. The Quran does not just say "live together," but says: "And live with them in kindness." Commentators of the Quran state that this is a great mercy from Allah upon wives, as Allah Himself is recommending their fair treatment to men. O husband! What could be greater than the fact that your Lord is recommending your wife to you? If you honor this recommendation today, He will grant you forgiveness on the Day of Judgment. Who is the Best Husband? It is stated in the Holy Hadith: "The best among you is the one who is best to his family." And the Prophet (PBUH) said: "And I am the best among you to my family." The Holy Prophet (PBUH) presented his own life as an example. If you want to judge how good a person is, do not ask his friends or look at his business; instead, ask his wife what kind of person he is. If the wife says that his behavior and treatment of her are good, then he is a good person. The Prophet (PBUH) also said: "The most complete of believers in faith is the one with the best character (manners)." A Husband's Behavior and the Prophet's (PBUH) Advice Once, a woman came to the Holy Prophet (PBUH) and said, "My husband gets angry over every little thing and even hits me." (This is a point that should be heard with both ears wide open; while you might listen to other things with one ear, I request men to listen to this very carefully). The wife said in the gathering of the Prophet (PBUH), "O Prophet of Allah, my husband scolds me over minor issues and even beats me." The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said: "Does one of you hit his wife like a slave is hit, and then embrace her at the end of the day? Do you not feel ashamed?" In other words, you treat her like a slave by hitting her at one time, and then you try to be intimate with her at another time. Do you not have any shame? These words give us a message that a wife is not a servant of the house but a life partner. Yes, if she commits a major sin and does not understand even after being advised, then Sharia has allowed a very limited and symbolic punishment so that she may learn a lesson. As the famous saying goes, "Some people don't listen to words." Generally, two things are very common: one is that a woman's tongue is not in her control, and the other is that a man's hands are not in his control. The Sharp-Tongued Woman Remember, my friends! A sharp-tongued or ill-mannered wife acts like a fast horse that carries her husband to his grave. A man whose wife is rude can never find peace in his entire life. A woman is told to bring softness and sweetness into her speech and to talk in a pleasant way. It is a fact that even the sweetest woman might have a bit of sharpness in her because the nature of this relationship involves various moods and styles. However, a woman’s speech should generally be soft. Sharia teaches that a woman should speak softly to her husband, but if she must speak to a stranger (non-mahram), she should speak firmly so that he does not have the courage to ask a second question. Nowadays, fashionable women often do the opposite: when they talk to their husbands, they use all the bitterness in the world, but when they talk to a stranger, they use all the sweetness in the world. The Power of Words It is an established fact that relationships that cannot be cut by a sword can be cut apart by the tongue. Also, remember that a woman’s tongue is a sword that never gets rusty. Some women are so ill-mannered that they destroy their own homes through their bad language and baseless suspicions. Sharia commands: speak softly to your mahram (husband/relatives) and speak firmly if you must talk to a non-mahram. One Western wise man said: "If a woman speaks to her husband just once a day with the same softness she uses for her neighbor, the home would remain prosperous. Similarly, if a man looks at his wife just once a day with the same look of affection he uses for a woman in the neighborhood, the home would remain peaceful." The Practice of Pious Predecessors Allah has revealed an entire chapter in the Quran called Surah An-Nisa (The Chapter on Women), which explains the rules and guidelines for the married life of men and women. It was the tradition of our pious predecessors (Salaf-e-Salihin) to teach their daughters Surah An-Nisa and Surah An-Nur with their translations before they got married. We should also do the same; if we cannot teach our daughters the translation of the entire Quran, we should at least teach them the translation of these two Surahs so they can lead a successful married life. A Meaningful Dowry Some pious elders had a unique practice. In the past, when printing presses did not exist, once a daughter completed her education but was not yet married, the father would give her a task. He would ask her to write a copy of the Holy Quran for herself. The girl would remain in a state of Wudu (ablution) daily and write the Quran in beautiful calligraphy. When the Quran was completed, the father would get it bound in a golden cover and give it to her as part of her dowry (Jahez). This was the dowry of earlier times. It sent a powerful message to the husband: that his wife had spent her free time at home devotedly writing the words of the Holy Quran. The Rights of the Husband While discussing the rights of spouses, the Holy Prophet (PBUH) told women that if the Sharia allowed bowing (Sajdah) to anyone other than Allah, he would have commanded a wife to bow to her husband. It is mentioned in the Hadith that if a woman fulfills her obligatory duties and passes away while her husband is pleased with her, Allah opens the gates of Paradise for her so she may enter without an account. It is also mentioned that if a husband is angry with his wife for a valid reason, and she remains silent out of stubbornness until the husband goes to sleep in that state, the angels of Allah send curses upon her. Thus, Allah’s pleasure has been linked to the husband's happiness. An Extraordinary Story of Patience and Obedience The stories of the female companions (Sahabiyat) regarding obedience to their husbands are amazing. The son of a female companion was born while her husband was away for Jihad. On the very day the husband was supposed to return, the child passed away a few hours before his arrival. The mother was worried, thinking, "My husband is returning after a long time; how grieved he will be to find his son dead without even getting to show him affection." She bathed the child, covered him with a cloth, and placed him on a bed. She did not inform anyone. When the husband arrived, he thought the child was sleeping. He ate his meal, and the couple spent the night together, sharing stories of his journey. Imagine the heart of that mother; her innocent child’s body was lying on the bed right there, but for the sake of her husband’s happiness, she kept the secret hidden so his heart would not be grieved. She ate with him, talked with him, and stayed with him until morning. In the morning, she asked her husband, "Tell me one thing. If someone gives a trust (Amanah) to another and asks for it back after some time, should it be returned happily or with grief?" The husband replied, "Happily." She then said, "Well, Allah gave you a trust, and shortly before you arrived, He took that trust back. Now go and hand him over to Allah happily." Allah Akbar! That companion fulfilled the highest standard of marital conduct. When the husband informed the Holy Prophet (PBUH) about the event and his wife’s incredible patience, the Prophet (PBUH) prayed for them. Allah put a blessing in that night; the woman became pregnant and was blessed with another son, who grew up to be a memorizer of the Quran (Hafiz-e-Quran) and a scholar of Hadith. Let us now examine the rights a wife has over her husband. The first and foremost right is maintenance (Naan-o-Nafqah), which means fulfilling the woman's financial needs. Keep one thing in mind: Allah has not placed the burden of earning a living on the woman. • If she is a daughter, it is the father's duty to provide for her. • If she is a sister, it is the brother's responsibility. • If she is a wife, it is the husband's responsibility. • If she is a mother, it is the duty of her children to take care of her expenses. From being a daughter to becoming a mother, Allah has never made it obligatory for a woman to earn her own living. Therefore, it is the husband's duty to provide for his wife. Regarding this maintenance, scholars have stated that a husband should fix a personal allowance for his wife according to his financial status. One person might be able to give fifty dollars, another a hundred, and someone else only ten; the exact amount is not the issue. Providing money for household groceries is a separate matter. Sharia says that since she has left her own home to build a life with you, you should give her some money for her personal needs. Once given, you do not need to ask where she spent it. There is wisdom in this: perhaps she wants to help a poor sister or brother, or maybe she finds joy in helping a needy woman. Once you give her a personal allowance, there is no need to question her; she can spend it as she wishes. The Right to Shelter The second point regarding the wife's rights is mentioned by the jurists (Fuqaha): when a man marries a woman, it is his responsibility to provide her with a place to live according to his means. As the famous saying goes: "One's own nest is one's own, whether it is made of mud or bricks." The Right to Shelter and Kind Treatment It is the husband's responsibility to provide the wife with a place where she can have privacy and shelter. If the family lives together due to necessity, she should at least be given one separate room where she can keep her personal belongings. It should not be that her room is also used to store the belongings of parents or others. While it is true that not everyone can afford to build a house, those who can, should provide one. This is one of the husband's duties. Kindness to the Family The third point is that since the husband is the leader and head of his home, he should treat his "subjects" (family members) with kindness. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Show mercy to those on earth, and the One in the heavens will show mercy to you." Therefore, it is said that whoever is kind to others, Allah will be kind to him on the Day of Judgment. Whoever forgives others quickly, Allah will forgive him quickly. Whoever hides the faults of others, Allah will hide his faults on the Day of Judgment. In Islam, the concept of a wife is that of a life partner, a companion, and a confidant—not a slave. She is a true friend. Accountability Before Allah In the Quran, wherever the rights of husbands and wives are mentioned, the phrase "Fear Allah" is often used. This is to remind us: "And know that you will meet Him." There are certain private matters that neither a wife nor a husband can share with others out of shyness, yet they might be hurting each other internally. Allah warns that if you hurt each other's hearts like this, remember that you have to meet your Creator. If you do not provide peace to one another, how will you answer Him on the Day of Judgment? The Greatness of Apologizing A golden rule is: if the wife makes a mistake, she should seek forgiveness, and if the husband makes a mistake, he should apologize. Apologizing for one's mistake is a sign of greatness. The author shares a story of his spiritual mentor: "One day, I was performing ablution (Wudu). My wife was helping by pouring water, but she wasn't doing it quite right. I spoke to her a bit harshly. She remained silent and did as I asked. However, as I left the house, a thought struck me: 'I just treated a creation of Allah poorly; how will my prayer be accepted now?' I turned back halfway, apologized to my wife until she forgave me, and only then did I go to lead the prayer in the mosque." The poem at the end says: "You may tear down a mosque or a temple—tear down whatever can be rebuilt—but never break someone's heart, for God resides in the hearts of people." Marital Life and Eastern Society Honorable listeners, by the grace of Allah, our Eastern society is still very peaceful regarding marital life. Our analysis shows that at least 90 out of 100 girls leave their parents' home with the firm intention of building a successful home. This is an honor unique to the Eastern girl—she enters marriage with the goal of making it work. From there, it depends on the husband; if he handles the relationship well, the home prospers; if he mishandles it, the home is ruined. Some Eastern women are so virtuous that they reflect the qualities of the maidens of Paradise—they are deeply devoted to their husbands and never look toward other men. It is the blessing of Islam that even today, many young women enter marriage with hearts completely pure. There are also many who, after losing their husbands, spend their entire lives alone just to raise their children. The Hadith states that if a widow chooses to stay single to raise her children, Allah grants her the reward of Jihad. Even though her "spring" turns into "autumn" after her husband's death, she spends her life protecting her innocent children. The poem says: "Though you, O Autumn, have completely changed the colors of the garden; I neither left the flowery branch nor changed my nest." A Happy Married Life Keep one thing in mind: where love is weak, faults appear large, and small issues are turned into big problems. Therefore, Sharia commands us to live with love and affection. One must have great patience. There is an English saying: "To run a big show, one should have a big heart." A person must manage household affairs with endurance. It is strange when a husband fights with a wife who has dedicated her life to him, or when a wife fights with a husband who holds such a high status in her life. A Persian couplet says: "I have heard that the men of God do not even distress the hearts of their enemies; how did you reach a state where you are at war with your own loved ones?" Sometimes, due to a lack of religious knowledge or because of pride, even educated couples end up in conflict. They become so opposed to each other that the husband is always looking for the wife's faults, and the wife is always searching for the husband's mistakes. Their bodies are close, but their hearts are far apart. Their situation is like this verse: "Life is passing by, O Danish; as if it were a punishment for a crime never committed." The Influence of Others on Marriage Sometimes, these fights happen because of a third party. Remember this: husbands and wives rarely fight because of each other; usually, they fight because of someone else—either the in-laws from the husband’s side or the family from the wife’s side. Sharia has clarified this for both. The girl is told that while she had one mother before, she now has two mothers and two fathers. Similarly, the boy is told he now has two sets of parents. Since Allah has given in-laws the status of parents, a golden rule to remember is: The wife should try to keep her husband’s family happy, and the husband should try to keep his wife’s family happy. If both follow this principle, you will see that they will never fight. The Power of Patience If one person gets angry, the other should remain patient. When both get angry at the same time, the situation becomes much worse. It is mentioned in the Hadith that if a woman stays patient during her husband's anger, Allah will grant her a reward similar to the patience of Prophet Ayyub (A.S). Similarly, if a man remains patient with his wife's anger, Allah will grant him the same high status. Since there is such a great reward for patience, it is better to just remain silent at that moment. Avoid Negative Thinking Both husband and wife must avoid negative thinking. There is a Punjabi proverb: "If you like someone, you like everything they do; if you don't like someone, you won't even like the way they walk." If there is negative thinking between a husband and wife, then every word spoken by the other person will feel like poison. The Story of the Flying Saint There is a story about a pious man whose wife was always fighting and arguing with him. One day, he prayed: "O Allah! Grant me a miracle so that my wife may see it and gain respect for me." By Allah's will, it was inspired to him that if he wished to fly, he would be granted the miracle of flying in the air. So, the saint flew through the air and passed right over his own house. When he returned home that evening, his wife immediately said, "You think you are so pious, but today I saw a real saint who was actually flying in the sky!" The man replied, "O servant of Allah, that was me!" The wife quickly responded, "Oh! I was wondering why that person was flying so crookedly!" See how bad negative thinking can be? Husbands and wives should develop positive thinking. Before taking any step, they should look at where the path leads. Winning the Heart A man who treats his wife with kindness (Ihsaan) will surely win her heart. Do not try to win over your wife through force or power; instead, try to win her through kindness and good character. The most harmful thing in marital life is negative thinking. There are different ways of looking at things. For example, consider a branch that has both flowers and thorns. One person might complain: "I am upset that there are thorns with the flower." Another person might say: "I am happy that there are flowers even among the thorns." It is all about your perspective. One person focuses on the thorns, while another focuses on the beauty of the flower. It is a matter of your own vision and your own choice. Smiling is an Act of Virtue The Hadith states that when a wife looks at her husband and smiles, and the husband looks at his wife and smiles, Allah looks at them both and smiles (with pleasure). Sayyida Aisha (R.A) narrated that whenever the Holy Prophet (PBUH) entered his home, he did so with a smiling face. Husbands should leave the stress and fights of the office at the office. When you enter your home, do so spreading smiles; you will earn the reward of following a Sunnah, and in return, you will receive your wife's smile. A Smile A smile is something nice to see, it does not cost a cent. A smile is something all you own, it never can be spent. A smile is welcome everywhere, it does away with frowns. A smile is good for everyone, to ease life’s ups and downs. It should also not be the case that the husband enters with a smile while the wife continues to look upset. The wife should respond to her husband's smile with love. The Heart of the Home There is a famous English saying: "A house is built by hands, but a home is built by hearts." Bricks are joined together to make a building (a house), but when hearts are joined together, a home becomes truly prosperous and alive. My friends, we should listen to these things attentively and strive to lead a good marital life. Representing Islam in Foreign Lands For those of us living in foreign lands, when our small domestic fights reach the local authorities or the police, people laugh at Islam. They point fingers at the teachings of the Holy Prophet (PBUH)—what a great misfortune! If we give someone the chance to criticize Islam because of our small-mindedness, it is a tragedy. We should resolve small matters within our own homes. Do not create such a mess that it becomes the "talk of the town." We must step out of our selfish shells. Instead of becoming a cause of disgrace for Muslims, we should be a source of a good reputation for them. Today, people who think this way are so few that you would have to search for them with a lamp in broad daylight. The poem says: "There is a massive crowd of 'children of Adam' wherever you look; But if you search for true 'servants of Allah,' there is a great shortage everywhere." Appreciating Each Other Today It is often observed that while a husband and wife are together, they fight. However, if the husband passes away, the same wife spends the rest of her life crying and saying, "He was so good; he was wonderful to me." Similarly, if the wife passes away, the husband spends his life mourning, saying, "She was so kind; she took such good care of me." There is a Punjabi proverb: "A person is only valued after they have either left or died." We should value people while they are still with us. Many times, couples divorce in a fit of anger. When they regain their senses, both the husband and wife feel lost and devastated. Then they come to religious scholars asking, "Is there any way we can be husband and wife again?" We should never let things reach that point. We should practice forgiveness and understanding. If one is upset, the other should try to make peace. As the poets say: "In such beautiful weather, it is not good to be upset; yesterday's issues remained, let's become friends today." "Life is already too short for love; what is the need to waste time being upset?" A Unique Story Scholars have shared a story of a woman who was very beautiful, while her husband was not attractive at all and had a dark complexion. However, they were living their lives together, as people often do in a virtuous society. Once, the husband looked at his wife and smiled with happiness. The wife looked back and said, "Both of us are going to Paradise (Jannah)." He asked, "How do you know that?" She replied, "When you look at me, you are happy and you thank Allah (Shukr). When I look at you, I remain patient (Sabr). According to Sharia, both the one who is thankful and the one who is patient will enter Paradise." This is the beautiful concluding part of the text. Here is the translation into easy English: Love After Marriage It is important to highlight one key aspect: Islam does not allow "love before marriage," but it strongly encourages love after marriage. If a marriage is based solely on a pre-marital romance, its foundation is often weak—we can see the results of this in Western society. "Love after marriage" means that once parents have acted as sincere advisors to find the best match for their son or daughter, and the two become husband and wife, they should then build a life of deep love and affection. The more love they show each other, the more reward (Sawab) they receive from Allah. A Lesson in Love from the Prophet (PBUH) Let me share a beautiful practice of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) for a happy married life. Once, the Prophet (PBUH) entered his home and saw his wife, Sayyida Aisha (R.A), drinking water from a bowl. Seeing her from a distance, he called out, "O Humaira!" (Aisha was her name, but he called her "Humaira" out of love). He said, "Humaira, save some water for me as well." She was a follower and a wife; he was her husband, but also the Leader of the Prophets and a Mercy to the Worlds. Although all blessings come from him, he showed us the beauty of love. When he came closer, he took the bowl to drink the remaining water. Suddenly, he paused and asked, "O Humaira! Where exactly on this bowl did you put your lips to drink?" Sayyida Aisha came closer and pointed to the spot. The Hadith tells us that the Prophet (PBUH) turned the bowl and placed his own blessed lips on the exact same spot where his wife had drunk, and then he drank the water. The Result of True Affection My friends! If a husband gives this much love to his wife, she will do everything in her power to make the home a success. She will give her very life to build that home. She will respond to love with love, affection with affection, and loyalty with loyalty. She will keep her husband's love in her heart forever. This is the beautiful Islamic vision of marriage. Let us move away from hatred and start a pure life filled with love. As the poet said: "Life is too short for love; I wonder where people find the time for hatred." May Allah Almighty grant us all the ability to lead a happy and successful married life. Amen.